The lightning thief / Rick Riordan.

I accidentally vaporize my pre-algebra teacher -- Three old ladies knit the socks of death -- Grover unexpectedly loses his pants -- My mother teaches me bullfighting -- I play pinochle with a horse -- I become supreme lord of the bathroom -- My dinner goes up in smoke -- We capture a flag -- I am offered a quest -- I ruin a perfectly good bus -- We visit the Garden Gnome Emporium -- We get advice from a poodle -- I plunge to my death -- I become a known fugitive -- God buys us cheeseburgers -- We take a zebra to Vegas -- We shop for water beds -- Annabeth does obedience school -- We find out the truth, sort of -- I battle my jerk relative -- I settle my tab -- Prophecy comes true.

Twelve-year-old Percy Jackson learns he is a demigod, the son of a mortal woman and Poseidon, god of the sea. His mother sends him to a summer camp for demigods where he and his new friends set out on a quest to prevent a war between the gods.